What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
