): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize