Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
