I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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