Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
