ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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