Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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