Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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