Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize