APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
