I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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