If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize