Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
be right there i have to get my cape
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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