...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
