He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
