4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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