I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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