Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize