If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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