imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
