Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
