I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
