she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
