I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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