Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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