I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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