Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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