what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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