i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
