very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
