If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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