I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
