I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize