I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
