I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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