Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
