i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
