Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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