now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
