i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
