How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
