Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize