I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
