yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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