Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
