i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
