Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
