I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
