there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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