Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize