nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
40s are totally the cure
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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