hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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