is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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