she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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