it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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