so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
