we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
