its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
