ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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