I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize