she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
