She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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