i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
