my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
two words...techno handjob
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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