I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
