Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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