were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
