drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
