I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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