I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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