If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
