I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
