So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I bet he comes in French.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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