I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
