i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
