It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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