He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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