You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
