its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
