You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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