so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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