I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize