I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
