i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
