You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
