Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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