Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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