I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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