I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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