Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have demons in me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
