he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
