in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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