youre lurking in front of me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
