fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
