Banned from zoo.
Again?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
