You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
not ubering you a puppy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
