my mouth tastes like poor choices
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
