i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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