People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
