Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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