I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
