just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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