just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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